This article is completely satire, any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the french fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisers outside of this insert.

With the proposal to demolish the Honors Cottage, built in 1890, by administrators, the ghosts of UNI have made it clear to the university that they will not tolerate the building being razed.

Zelda the Ghost (known for haunting Strayer-Wood Theatre since 1963) has taken a leading role in protesting the demolition. 

“The Honors Cottage is our main base for spookiness,” Zelda said. “If they tear it down, we will be forced to haunt the student body in retaliation.”

Augie the Ghost (who haunts Lawther Hall) also commented, “Us ghosts hold our bi-weekly spooky meetings in the Honors Cottage. It is the perfect place for ghosts. There are so many old crevices, creaky floors, and of course lots of nerds from the Honors Program to scare the crap out of.”

Numerous other ghosts from campus, including the ghosts who haunt Rider Hall and Hagemann Hall, have vowed to haunt UNI administrators until they repeal their request to the Board of Regents to have the cottage demolished.

“I have been haunted by ghosts for the past three weeks,” UNI administrator Mike Hagrid said. “I haven’t slept in days. I’m a wreck.”

The ghosts refuse to back down from their haunting shenanigans until they know the Honors Cottage will be saved. 

“Us ghosts get a bad rep for all of our spooky antics,” Zelda said. “But really all we want is a place to call our own and the freedom to scare the UNI community for years to come.”