The French Fry is completely satire. Any resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. The statements in the French Fry do not reflect the views of the Northern Iowan, nor do they reflect the views of the advertisements outside of this insert. 

Ben Jacobson went in to sign a four-year contract extension worth four million dollars with the UNI men’s basketball team on Monday, March 27. The legendary UNI men’s basketball coach just finished his 17th season leading the Panthers. He has 335 career wins, four Missouri Valley Conference (MVC) regular season championships, four conference tournament championships and four NCAA Tournament appearances. All of these accomplishments meant there was no doubt that he should receive an extension. Unfortunately, there was a bit of an issue when Coach Jacobson went in to sign the contract. 

When Coach Jacobson went to put pen to paper on his new deal, he noticed that there was a small issue in the contract. The contract was issued to a guy by the name of Ben Jacobsen, not Ben Jacobson. This may seem like a minor mistake that can be easily fixed, but by law, Ben Jacobsen is able to sign this contract and become the next UNI men’s basketball coach if he chooses. The question is, who is this Ben Jacobsen fellow? 

Well, Ben Jacobsen is a sophomore accounting major here at UNI, and I sat down with him to talk about the situation. When I asked Ben what his history with basketball was, he said, “I played basketball when I was in the sixth grade, and I was a complete stud, but I have never touched a basketball since. I honestly kind of hate the sport.” Ben sounded pretty uninterested when he answered that question, but when I asked what he was going to do about the contract, his whole mood changed, “I obviously do not like basketball, but that is a free four million dollars just sitting there for me. I would be a complete idiot not to sign that contract.” I finally asked him if he could handle all of the time and effort that it took to be a college basketball coach. He responded by saying, “Obviously, I am not qualified in any way, and have nothing to bring to the table, but I can easily just pretend and sit around and collect a paycheck.” 

Ben wasted no time, and a day after Coach Jacobson was supposed to sign his extension, Ben Jacobsen was the one becoming the coach of the Panthers for the next four years. After he officially became the new coach of the Panthers, I got a chance to briefly ask Coach Jacobson what he thought of the situation. He said, “Obviously I am disappointed at this mistake that was made, and wish that I could continue to be the coach. However, I can certainly not blame the young man for wanting a bag, I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes. I guess the next thing for me is to enjoy my retirement, I had a good long career.” 

It is certainly sad to see Coach Jacobson go, but we will hope for the best with new coach Ben Jacobsen. Things should certainly begin to get interesting with him at the helm, and we will get to find out what he can bring to the table next season.