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NO CANCELLATIONS YALL CANT READ NOMO!!!!
“It’s incredibly important now, more than ever, that UNI remains open every day of the school year,” said UNI President Nark Mookie at a press conference this week. The university, ahead of the 2025-2026 academic year, announced that it will remain open everyday of the academic year, despite possible weather conditions. “I think it’s safe to say at this point in time, we’re going to remain open and hold classes every scheduled day the next academic year.”
This past academic year classes were not fully cancelled, UNI administered late-starts and an online day due to fraught weather conditions. But, despite this, UNI says that the weather conditions are “no match” for the educational plague facing UNI students right now – basic spelling and grammar mistakes. “It’s taken over our student body,” said Mookie. “It’s incredibly important that we handle this issue with optimism and radical aggression. We must rid our campus of this disease.”
Mookie made a reference to a popular account that posts content for UNI students. “There was an Instagram account that posted a photo after we administered a late-start for the day,” Mookie told the Northern Iowan. “The post said ‘Like if you think classes should of been cancelled today.’” According to Mookie, this post was just one of the linchpins in the University’s decision to keep the school open, despite unknown weather conditions. “It’s a crisis,” an anonymous English professor told the Northern Iowan. “You wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen.”
According to the anonymous English professor, Mookie’s reference to the “should of” mistake is just the tip of the iceberg. This professor alleges that the average UNI student will use the incorrect version of your and you’re, or they’re, their and there at least once a day. “These students are 19, 20 years old,” said the anonymous professor. “And they’re making 5th grade level mistakes on a daily basis. I would agree emphatically that school should remain open, classes should remain open at any cost necessary.”
One freshman student, Grant Poland, noted that despite classes remaining open, Poland doesn’t think it will impact the student body. “I mean, it doesn’t really matter,” Poland said, shrugging. “I can just ChatGPT it. Why does a spelling mistake even matter? They should know I’m smart.” The Northern Iowan’s interview with Poland was cut short when, after the interviewer’s third question, Poland began typing the question into ChatGPT and reading the AI-generated response as his own response. After the interviewer told Poland that the words the Northern Iowan uses in the article would need to be his own, Poland said, “I don’t care about spelling and grammar anyways. ChatGPT is always accurate.” The interviewer then pointed out that the ChatCPT response used an incorrect version of the word “their,” and Poland immediately ended the interview.
“The well-being of our students is incredibly important to the university,” said Mookie. “That includes their academic well-being. Right now, maintaining and improving that is our first priority.”
The university has reported that they will disseminate further information regarding the schedule and possible weather conditions heading into the next academic year, as well as supplemental grammatical and spelling information for students of every major. These materials will be accessible starting in the Maucker Union and Rod Library at the beginning of the 2025-2026 academic year.