I am not a Panther. That is kind of a hard thing to say to the readers of this newspaper because you are, for the most part, Panther fans. I am a student at UNI, I am a writer for the Northern Iowan, I even follow and cheer for Panther athletics. But I don’t consider myself a Panther. I don’t even have a single piece of Panther swag. Here’s why:

I transferred to UNI. When I graduated high school, I determined that I did not want to go to UNI for a number of reasons. I knew I wanted to reach out and challenge myself. I knew that I wanted to travel and see the world, annd I wanted to go somewhere where I wouldn’t be just a number. All of my friends were going to UNI. I knew that if I went to UNI I wouldn’t grow on my own and discover who I was for myself. I wanted to go to a small school so that I could be more involved with campus life, and that is exactly what I did.

I went to a small liberal arts college in Decatur, IL called Millikin University. The minute I set foot on campus I knew that this place was where I belonged. I was a member of the dance team, I eventually joined my sorority, Alpha Chi Omega, I was the sports editor and ad sales manager for the Decaturian and I was a board member of MilliSTAT (Millikin Students Today, Alumni Tomorrow).

I was a founding member of the Student Athletic Association. I was an executive officer for Panhellenic Council, I had a great work study job working for the Dean of Academic Affairs Office and the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences and I was involved. I was crazy busy, but I loved it, and I wouldn’t have traded a minute of it for anything in the world.

Then my whole life changed. I got pregnant. I moved back home to my small farm outside of Webster City. I had my beautiful daughter. I then transferred to UNI.

I chose UNI because it was close enough to home that I could drive. It was a quite a bit of a trek, but I could do it. I only had classes two days a week that first semester, so it wasn’t hard to drive back and forth. The hardest part was leaving my three-week-old daughter to attend classes.

Naturally, I didn’t get involved on campus. In fact, it was lucky if I remembered my teacher’s names that year, let alone making friends with classmates well enough to learn and remember their names.

At UNI I had friends that were attending, so if I needed a place to stay because of weather then I could stay with them. This is something that I took advantage of only once.

Since first coming to UNI, I have gotten a little more involved on campus. I joined the Northern Iowan first as copy editor and then as a columnist, and I attend some of the forums on campus.

As I started taking more classes with my major, I was making deeper connections with my professors and, upon occasion, my classmates. But I still wasn’t making any friends. The hard part was that most of my friends were graduating. As each of them graduated, I felt like I was losing ties to the school. Last semester, the last two people I considered friends on campus graduated, moved on and found jobs. I feel all alone on campus now. It’s really hard to make friends when you only see someone in class.

This semester, my final semester at UNI, has been hard. Possibly the hardest semester since I had to drop my three-week-old daughter off at the babysitters and leave for class on the promise that I would be able to provide a better life for her. It’s been four years since that day. I am making the hour and a half long drive every day for the first time (In the past I was always able to work my way into classes on only Monday, Wednesday and Friday or only Tuesdays and Thursdays).

The classes are harder, as they should be for a senior in her final semester. I’ve been working more and longer hours to be able to afford all the driving I do. My daughter is now three-years-old and wants to know where mommy is going all the time. 

My friends are all gone, but I’m still here, tired of school but still going. I’m unable to job search because I’m so busy being a mom and trying to provide for my daughter. I am listening to my textbooks in the car so I don’t have to stay up until 2 a.m. reading before having to get up for my 6 a.m. shift at work.

Sometimes, my daughter’s smile is the only thing that gets me through the day. I remind myself that I am doing it for her, but I still worry. I worry that even with my degree that I won’t be qualified enough as I am hearing a lot of my classmates say is a problem they have been facing since they started applying for jobs. I can’t afford an unpaid internship.

I probably have a fairly unique position, but something tells me that it is probably not as unique as I think it is. So, while I might attend UNI, I don’t consider myself a Panther. I leave being a Panther to those who attend the games, go to classes, make friends and represent UNI to the outside world. I am simply a mother trying to get a degree so I can provide for my daughter and keep her smiling. Is there anyone else out there that feels the way I do? I’d love to hear your story. Contact me at [email protected].