“It was Christmas Day in the year 1998. We were all at my house in Williams. The whole family had come this year to be together. Group by group we were taking pictures on the couch, with her in the middle of them all.

I remember walking around and observing some of my family crying and hanging on tight to her. I remember not knowing exactly what was going on and why everyone had to be there that day because we never have Christmases this big.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my grandma had cancer, and this would be her last Christmas with all of us. My mother, the strong one for us, hid from my brother and I how sick my grandma really was. I remember the coughing and other noises my grandma would make, but my mom never told me it was cancer.

It is two weeks later. Sitting outside of a hospital room in Ames, I have just found out my grandma lost her battle to cancer. At five years old, this was a new experience for me. I did not get a final goodbye in her room.

My mom chose to keep her spirit alive in my heart and in my memories, by not see her dying on a hospital bed, and for that I thank her.

Now when I look back I can remember when she was making my flower girl dress for a wedding, taking me to the toy store to get a Barbie or letting me ride the mechanical rides outside of the store.

I may not remember what it was like during her battle with cancer, but I remember what it was like after. I remember the pain it felt to lose a loved one for the first time. It was like someone came, stabbed me and ripped a giant hole in my heart.

I remember tears streaming down my face on the day of her funeral as I stood inside the church waiting for the service to start. I remember wearing the dress my grandma made for me and trying to clutch the program in my hand. I remember praying to God, asking Him to bring her back into my life, knowing that it would never happen.

It wasn’t until years later I would learn that she had pancreatic cancer from diabetes. It wasn’t until later that I learned that pancreatic cancer is currently an incurable cancer. The moment she was diagnosed, she had a slim chance of overcoming it.

Grandparents are supposed to live forever. They are supposed to spoil you, hug you, and tell you how much they love you. They aren’t supposed to die when you are this young. She would be the first of many family and friends that I would lose to cancer.

She is my reason I Relay. She is the reason why I try to live as healthy life as possible. She is my reason why I fundraise so someday they will find a way to cure pancreatic cancer and end all cancers for good. No one at the age of five should ever be introduced to cancer and experience what I have experienced.

Karen Kay Lee 1940-1999”

-Hilary Ronnfeldt, senior elementary education and early childhood education double major           Editor’s Note: Relay for Life is on April 9th.