‘Gimmicky’ awareness event not enough
Carr-Murphy says events like “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes,” while fundraising for organizations that benefit sexual assault survivors, can be problematic. She says it isn’t necessary for men to have fun to discuss sexual assault.
Apr 21, 2016
On Tuesday evening, there was a “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” event led by a fraternity on our UNI campus. I heard them clattering by from my night class on the second floor of Sabin, whooping and hollering enough to disrupt the students indoors taking a test.
Interested in how such a jocular event could be connected with sexual assault, I visited the website of the international organization, walkamileinhershoes.org.
What I found was not what I would hope, with phrases that tout events as “a playful opportunity for men to raise awareness” and express “it’s not easy walking in these shoes, but it’s fun.”
You know what’s not fun? Sexual assault. You know who doesn’t need their awareness of sexual assault raised? Women. And I don’t just mean women who have been sexually assaulted. I mean all women.
Women make choices all day, every day that reflect an awareness of sexual assault. Going out on a Friday night involves a group of people big enough for drinks to be watched while people go to the bathroom (preferably not alone).
For many women, walking home from campus at night means carrying the weight of pepper spray in their hands, and while my small pink can of “Ms. WhoopAss” is only a few ounces, the mental weight of sexual assault awareness is much heavier.
All of this is beside the egregious oversight of “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” that associates high heels with women and women only. I identify as a woman, and I have worn high heels exactly once this school year.
If a man really wants to walk in my shoes, I would be happy to lend him my combat boots, if only to show him that experience as a woman could never be summed up with a pair of high heeled shoes.
Even worse than an event trying to talk about respecting women unintentionally reducing experience as a woman-identified person to a pair of shoes is an event so completely unaware of how their atmosphere of fun could disrespect or mock members of the LGBT* community.
There are many people, who may or may not identify as men, who wear high heels by choice. And I don’t have the column space to start an educational dialogue here about how persons who are nonbinary, genderqueer or genderfluid may love high heels but object to their association with female pronouns.
You can email me if you have questions about that, and I will connect you with some great resources.
(As an aside, members of the LGBT* also do not need their awareness of sexual assault raised, since hate-motivated violence can often take the form of sexual assault.)
Lastly, (this paragraph is for the men’s rights advocates) associating sexual assault exclusively with females and women is something that only makes it harder for male survivors of sexual assault to come forward. And we can all agree, that’s harmful.
What I’m saying is: I appreciate fraternities on campus having fun events like a walk in high heeled shoes, but I don’t think it’s necessary for men to be having fun while we have a real dialogue about sexual assault.
In fact, maybe it would be best if they weren’t having fun. I know I’m never having fun when a close friend discloses sexual assault to me.
So, men, I know I sound very critical and un-fun. And I understand these events are often fundraisers for organizations that help survivors of sexual assault. But it’s not enough to just be aware, and it’s not enough to just not be “that guy.”
If you really want to get involved in the fight against sexual assault, there are lots of things you can do that don’t involve gimmicks.
Be friends with women. Believe your friends when they tell you they’ve been sexually assaulted.
Understand the resources on campus and in the community that you can direct your friends to if they have been sexually assaulted. Practice bystander intervention in the spaces you are in. Fight against comments that perpetuate rape culture when your bros say them.
You want to be involved, and I want everyone to be involved in the fight against sexual assault, but having an ally who isn’t mindful of the potential consequences of their actions is almost as bad as not having that ally at all.
Cheyene Robertson • Apr 22, 2016 at 9:37 am
To the author-
Before you write an article you should first check your facts. Reading a website is not merely enough and by the sounds of your article you did not attend this event (nor have you probably ever attended this event) and therefore your knowledge is very limited.
Now, on to the real discussion in your column. First off; yes there are other genders now who choose to wear high heels and there are people who do not decipher themselves as a gender who wear high heels. However women were the original gender which whom heels are known for and therefore that is why heels are depicted. Therefore, by no means are the men choosing to walk poking fun at any other gender or group who wears heels. It is a visual effect for the idea “walking a mile in someone’s shoes”.
To your second discussion, fraternity men are one of the largest targeted groups on campus known for sexual assault. So, God forbid that they try to do something to combat that stigma in both an awareness and positive way. Sexual assault is not an easy subject to discuss and many of those who have been assaulted do not come forth because of the difficulty of the subject and sometimes out of shame. So in my opinion, bless these guys souls for trying to bring awareness by holding an event that is suppose to be a bit more lighthearted to make people feel more comfortable talking about such a difficult subject. Not every single discussion for awareness of sexual assault needs to be terrifying to get across how serious of a subject this is because some people do not react well to that.
My last topic on this subject is again, your ignorance on this event. I’m just going to take a stab and say that you’ve never attended this event and Therefore you do not realize that typically after the walk portion of this event they bring in a professional speaker or one who is well versed in sexual assault and its awareness to discuss the effects of sexual assault in a person’s emotional and mental well being, the services on campus and in the Cedar Valley to help those who have been assaulted, and ways to combat being a bystander of sexual assault. This is both an awareness and educational event. I’m sure you also are unaware that local newspapers like the Courier come to cover this event every year which further brings awareness to the steps being take in the fight to end sexual assault to the UNI campus but also to the Cedar Valley and beyond.
So I suggest next time before ripping apart an event that is meant to bring awareness in a positive way to a topic that can be very difficult and hard for people (both who have and haven’t undergone sexual assault) that you do a bit more research than just reading a website.
Woman Respecter • Apr 6, 2018 at 1:27 pm
Having a “fun” event, run by a fraternity, to raise awareness about sexual assault is disingenuous and ineffective. Those identifying as males should not be entrenching harmful gender norms by wearing heels, and by extension, making sexual assault exclusive to people who participate in that gender norm. A much more effective use of their efforts would be holding discussions about how to NOT sexually assault women, broadening MALE understanding of what sexual assault is, and calling out and expelling perpetrators of sexual assault within the Greek community. Stay in your lane, boiz.
Austen • Apr 21, 2016 at 11:07 pm
The greek community is trying to grow awareness. In simple terms, women wear high heels. Most men don’t. Don’t take life so seriously. Relax and just accept the fact that the greek community is a wonderful community out to help individuals. Its not meant to make anyone feel upset, and the only people that would be upset are people who care about what others think. Why do people always complain so much? Just you do you and others can do themselves. This is a very outside opinion and its sad that you did not do your research before actually creating an opinion other than everyone is out to get you. Because they aren’t.